Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Gettin' Jiggly With It


They're itchy.  They're tight.  They're hot and uncomfortable in the summer months.  They always slide halfway down your butt when you bend over.  They look totally unnatural.  They rip easily and often end up in the trash after just one use.  They are completely out of fashion.  They look crazy hot with a pair of Daisy Dukes and some high heels (ok, not really).

And I love them.

I'm talkin' 'bout pantyhose, people.

I pray daily for pantyhose to make their big comeback.  Please, sisters.  I know it's a hugely unpopular request, but back me up on this one.  Can I really be the only one who appreciates a good pair of pantyhose for its jiggle control value?  Am I the only one who feels sort of commando-ish without them?

I'm so concerned about this subject that I sat in the women's meeting at church on Sunday and just eyeballed everybody's legs.  Yeah, I know, I'm supposed to be there for the spiritual enrichment, but come on--this is IMPORTANT!   I observed that the only legs adorned with nylon were the ones attached to old ladies (and me), at least from what I could tell.

This is extremely depressing to me.

You know when you buy a really cute new outfit and you're all excited to wear it and then YOUR MOM goes and tells you how cute it is?  Yeah, depressing like that.

I just wanna know who I need to talk to about nudging the trend back to that happy place where wearing pantyhose is cool again.   Britney Spears?  Tiger Woods' supermodel anorexic ex wife?  Somebody on Dancing With the Stars?  Miley Montana or whatever her name is?  Who influences what the kids are wearing these days?

That last question sounded like something my grandma would ask.  Perhaps I really am meant to hang--or jiggle--with the pantyhose crowd after all.  I suppose I had better embrace it.

Oh Jiminy Christmas, now where did I put my dad-gum stockings?

8 comments:

Jen said...

I don't miss that style at all, for all of the reasons you listed in your first paragraph. I don't even miss them in the winter. My naked legs have learned to adapt.

Great blog though! So glad to see you back!!!

The Greer Family said...

That picture is hilarious! Over and over again, so funny. I am a no-nylons person myself, but when I go as long as I do without shaving my legs, perhaps I should where them often : )

BossyMommy said...

Stephanie...you just go right on being exactly who you are. I'm sure that hairy European vibe is workin for ya! Oh, and happy birthday!

Heidi said...

Oh my GOODNESS! This so completely cracks me up - and you'll know why tomorrow when I post my latest blog on Goddess. Give yourself a few years and you'll be fine without nylons. I'm just laughing my butt off at the similarity of our topics.

Unknown said...

That granny looks like she should be wearing Converse shoes the way she's getting down!

Anonymous said...

AHH!!!

Bare legs have gone too far.

Pantyhose are the sexiest female garment IMO. They were the reason I loved it when the girls wore skirts/dresses :-(

Boo to bare legs!!!!!!!!!

Pantyhose please come back!

pantyhose45 said...

Pantyhose please make a comeback.....PLEASE!!BAre legs just don't look right. The.... world would be a better place if women would just wear pantyhose....Please ladies

Anonymous said...

AHH!!!

Bare legs have gone too far.

Pantyhose are the sexiest female garment IMO. They were the reason I loved it when the girls wore skirts/dresses :-(

Boo to bare legs!!!!!!!!!

Pantyhose please come back!