Weekend Randomness

I've decided that I’m going to become a TV weather girl just so that I can annoy the snot out of people by jumping up and down and getting all excited every time there’s snow in the forecast. 

Sometimes, you just have to tell big, fat lies to your kids.

I wonder if the guys who stand there in road construction holding the “SLOW” signs ever flip it around to “STOP” just to mess with people.  If they don’t, they should.  They look pretty bored.

Thanks to email and word processing software, I’ve pretty much lost all ability to write the old fashioned way.  I can barely sign my name anymore when I have to. 

Along those same lines, I really miss birthday cards and just-because notes, the kind that come in an envelope in your mailbox. 

I wish I were brave enough to talk to myself even when people are watching.  

John Cougar Mellencamp should not sing Christmas songs.  No, not ever.

When I’m a grandma, I want to have the house with the big back yard where all the families gather for cookouts and birthday parties.

I think talent should stand on its own.  It’s not fair that a college degree often trumps talent.  Of course, I might feel differently if I’d been smart enough to finish college back in the day. 

There’s no such thing as too much cilantro.

I really wish that smacking other people’s kids in the mouth wasn’t so frowned upon.

I hate these. 

Post-Halloween Randomness

I may need to switch to a slightly darker make-up foundation.  This morning, instead of Nancy Grace, I saw Edward Cullen in the mirror.  No, really.

I love it when I send someone a heartfelt, personal email telling them how much I admire their hard work in accomplishing something and I go on for like eight sentences and I get the reply:  “Thanks.”

I have a gift for getting in the checkout line behind the 85 year old lady who’s using a debit card for the first time in her life.

My kids are officially addicted to the show, “I Shouldn’t Be Alive.”   Apparently I’m raising children who are fascinated by half ripped-off thighs and blood-filled abdominal cavities.  Thank you, Netflix streaming.

I’ve come to the conclusion that college girls use campus restrooms for primping more than for peeing.

I’ve probably taken thousands of showers in my lifetime.  So how come when I get in, the water temp is ALWAYS wrong?

If you've ever wondered if it's possible to experience withdrawal headaches just THINKING about giving up sugar and white flour, trust me:  IT IS.    

Birthday Randomness

I’ve given up ever being able to work cellophane.  It’s just a mess every time.

I’m 40  41 years old. Shouldn’t I have more money?

I really can’t wrap my brain around the band Daughtry.  How many times can you take the same song and release it with a different title before the radio stations catch on?

I’m sorry, but I think it’s weird when married couples share email accounts.   Almost as weird as when they wear matching outfits.

At what point did I stop caring about my own birthdays?  I suspect, like everything else, it’s something I can blame on having children.

Why do pumpkin shirts at Halloween only look good on skinny people?  That makes no sense to me.

You know how people sometimes have weird, irrational fears?  Meet one of mine.  These local chicks just creep me out.  Zumba-teaching twins with corn rows.  Once, they did a promo where they stood on horse’s backs and did Zumba moves.  Zumba-teaching, horse-mounting twins with corn rows.  But why?   I couldn’t even stand to watch the video.  It scared me.

                

 

I really want to stop doing everything I do for like three whole days and see what happens.  No dishes, no laundry, no helping with homework.  Just sitting on the couch and watching things fall apart before my eyes.  Is it wrong that I'd be disappointed if the world didn't come to a screeching halt?

I hate it when I walk in the bathroom in my bare feet and step in something wet.

Way grateful for gal pals.  Mine are particularly amazing and awesome.

More random thoughts: toes, the Ingalls family, and narcissism

If I were a well-known public speaker, I would probably succumb to the temptation to quote myself on a regular basis.

I get a really big kick out of toes.  They’re funny.  Some people just have really funky looking feet.  Growing up, my parents always teased me by calling me "monkey toes."  I'll let you be the judge:  Were my parents mean ... or just honest?

When I see people roll through stop signs at intersections where school kids are running around on all sides of them, I want to ram them with my car.  Yes, bluish-green-minivan mom, I’m talking to YOU.

Earlier today I told a student at work that I rarely have an opinion about anything.  I could barely keep a straight face, but I think he bought it.

I don’t know if there’s anything more strikingly beautiful than snow on the mountains in autumn.  All of the colors come together like buttah.  The combination of greens, golds, reds, and the white of the snow against the backdrop of a crisp, blue sky and puffy white clouds is just candy for the eyes.   I will NEVER complain about fall snow. 

Doesn't it seem logical that eating foods with tons of preservatives would keep us young?

Once, JUST ONCE, why can’t Charles and Caroline Ingalls catch a break?  If I had a nickel for every time they ALMOST cashed in a big crop or ALMOST made a fortune off of a business venture, I’d have … well … WAY more nickels than the Ingalls family.

It really bugs me when people say that some relatively minor inconvenience in their lives is “the worst thing EVER.”  Really, locking your keys in your car or getting a bad haircut is the worst thing ever?  I hope nothing TRULY terrible ever happens to you.

Short but Sweet Randomness

I have a calendar, an alarm, and a notepad on my smart phone, but I still prefer to write my reminder lists on my hand.

With all of the water and soap, how is it that my shower is the most disgustingly dirty place in my house?

Cancer scares the crap out of me.  I’ve known a few people who have fought it and won, and a few who have lost their battle.  All are amazingly courageous to me. 

I love The Biggest Loser.  I hate The Biggest Loser.  How can something be so wonderfully inspiring and so downright discouraging all at once?

I really love co-op stuff like carpooling, babysitting, and Bunco … except when it’s my turn.

I’m all for helping my children discover their talents, but if my daughter plucks out “Jingle Bells” on her viola one more time, I’m going to pluck my EYES out.

I'm a big fan of shopping the generics, but there are certain things you just don't skimp on, like toilet paper.  And cheese.  And hair products.